I don’t know what it is about the summer, sweet babes, but my orgasms are just SO MUCH more intense during this damn season. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I do love a good scandalous snowstorm orgasm just as much as the next hyper sexual girl creature. But, the orgasms I have in June and July are incredibly special. They’re earth-shattering and spine-tingling and mind-blowing, and I’m intoxicated by the O.
Maybe it’s because there is a blissful, carefree energy that hangs heavy in the hot, sweaty air. Maybe it’s because everyone dresses so gorgeously slutty in Manhattan in the summer, and it turns me on. Or maybe, it’s because I go to the beach incessantly, and those wild ocean orgasms are really powerful and really get me going.
I don’t know. I don’t care. I just want them, and I want them in excess.
I also happen to think my love of summer orgasms is because I’m a Taurus, honey. See, I’m just one sensual bullheaded babe who is tapped into every smell, touch, taste, sound and sight. It’s recently cum to my attention that not everyone is as tapped into their senses as us Taurus ladies, and we all know orgasms are about being tapped into your senses. I also realized we all cum differently. Different zodiac signs NATURALLY have different types of orgasms, duh!
So, I decided to bestow you with this small gem on this boring AF Monday. I’ve expertly brokendown how each zodiac sign orgasms. And you know I’m right about these.
Don’t resist, darling, because at the end of the day, we’re all cumming, and that’s what counts in this cruel, cold world.
Capricorn: The Dominatrix Orgasm
I’ve always been sort of drawn to Capricorns because I appreciate your incredible sense of responsibility. I’m not a naturally responsible person, so I’m always blown away when I meet an organized, together, stable, responsible Capricorn. It doesn’t take much, does it?
You, my sweet Capricorn, love to be in control, don’t you? But hey, that’s OK because we’re pretty into letting you be on top and having your way with us. You just pull it off so damn well.
When you finally orgasm (usually after we have because you’re just a true gent like that), it’s a total dominatrix orgasm. You’re on top, and you’re wildly orgasming while dominating poor little us. Even your powerful orgasm is totally controlled. You don’t stop and lose your shit while you’re cuming; you keep pleasuring us while you’re cuming.
That’s because you’re a dom, babe. Don’t fight it. Nah, make love to it.
Aquarius: The Wild Ocean Orgasm
You’re magnetically drawn to the water, my cute little water baby. In fact, you’re one with the water. And lucky for you, your orgasms are always amazingly strong because nothing is stronger than your natural element, the water.
If our sexuality is the core of who we are, and your core is water, then you better believe your orgasms are as powerful as the ocean herself. When you cum, it’s full blast, it’s dangerous and it’s unpredictable, just like the ocean.
Pisces: Pop Song Orgasm
You’re the artistic entities of the zodiac. Everything about you is amazingly creative, including your colorful orgasms. Your orgasms have a rhythm like music. They start out slowly, and then they break into a fast, catchy chorus.
They leave you wanting more, just like a Justin Bieber song. They get stuck in your head, and all your horny brain can think about is SEX and ORGASMS again and again.
Aries: The Independent Orgasm
Aries, you’re a fierce, true independent entity. You’re a trailblazer who truly doesn’t need anyone for anything, including your orgasms. You can perfectly please yourself, thank you very much.
In fact, you prefer to get yourself off rather than depending on someone else to get you off. You inherently understand that giving yourself an orgasm is the most powerful thing you can do.So, stay empowered and keep getting yourself off, my lovely Aries creature.
Taurus: The Sensual Orgasm
I’m a Taurus,and I’m going to just going to throw this out here, babe: We have the best orgasms in the great expanse of the zodiac. You want to know why? Because we’re tapped into our senses in a very real, very fierce, very evolved way.
If you were to lightly graze the surface of a Taurus’ skin with your fingertips, it can feel like orgasm to the Taurus. Trust me, everything turns us on because our senses are so wildly heightened at all times. So, when we have an orgasm, all of our senses are stimulated. Then, BAM.
Suddenly, our vision crystalizes, we can hear your breath and we can feel your breath as it heavily makes its way on our skin. We can see and hear from miles and miles away, like a goddamn vampire or something else inhuman.
Gemini: The Kinky Orgasm
A lot of people talk shit about your kind. They’re sort of freaked out by your split personality and love for superficial, bottle-blond hotties, but I’m not freaked out by any of that at all. In fact, that’s why I like you so much.
You’re unapologetically sexy, and to be perfectly clear, you’re really good in the sack. You know why you’re so damn good in bed? Because you’re not afraid to get ~kinky~. In fact, you can only really get off when you’re in the throes of a hot and heavy kink session. You come the hardest and the fastest when your tied up, bound, blind folded, gagged and having sex somewhere really kinky and really naughty.
Cancer: The Emotional Orgasm
You Cancers are emotional beings. I’ve been in serious relationships with two Cancers, so I’m speaking and drawing from my deep well of personal experience here. You put ~feeling~ into everything you do, which is what makes you so gorgeous and so passionate and so lovely.
When you orgasm, it’s a massively emotional experience. Sometimes, you have sad orgasms because it draws up the pain from an old heartbreak. Sometimes, you have happy orgasms because you’re so happy to be in love, and you practically weep from the joy. Sometimes, you have anxiety orgasms because you’re worried your partner isn’t orgasming as intensely as you.
Sex and emotions go hand in hand, and it’s never just an orgasm with a Cancer. Nah, feelings are intertwined with your sexuality. It can be annoying, but also hot. (Just saying.)
Leo: The Expensive Orgasm
Leos are ambitious creatures who CRAVE the very best of everything in the world. You want designer clothing and designer vibrators, babe. You can’t just get off with your bare hands. You need a rose gold, exclusive, limited-edition vibrator from Babeland!
That, or you can only get off with someone when her body is adorned in some pricey lingerie from Agent Provocateur or La Perla. Or, you could even get off with a bottle of expensive champagne. Just be careful because that can backfire and result to a trip in the hospital. I heard a horror story about a bottle of champagne getting stuck inside a girl today. Be bougie, but be safe.
Virgo: The Assertive Orgasm
Virgos know what the hell they want and exactly how to get it. You’re assertive in life and in sex,darling. You’re a great communicator when it comes to the art of the orgasm. You boldly tell your partner exactly how you like it, where you like it and when you want it. (And you WANT IT NOW, DON’T YOU?)
You’re the editor-in-chief of the assertive orgasm, and you’re always satisfied at the end of the day. Though, feel free to r-e-l-a-x and trust sometimes, OK?
Libra: The Vanity Orgasm
Libras are always held on a freaking pedestal. Oh, you’re so fucking balanced and fair aren’t you, little Libra? Well, what most people don’t realize is yes, you’re “balanced,” but you’re also one vain bitch. (I’m not talking shit. I love this about you, and I possess the same trait. Vanity isn’t bad.Narcissism is bad, and that’s a whole other ballgame.)
You simply get off from watching yourself fuck. You love yourself some ~mirror sex~. As soon as you get a glimpse of your gorgeous body wildly thrusting in the reflection of the mirror, you explode in a million little orgasms. You just like yourself soooo much, but that’s OK. I’m all about the self-love, babes.
Scorpio: The Mind-Blowing Orgasm
Scorpios are probably better at the art of the sex than any other sign in the zodiac, since Scorpios are the most sexually charged people in the world. I know this from personal experience because I’m a Scorpio rising. (A Taurus and Scorpio hybrid? Don’t you just want to sleep with me, you dirt perv? It’s OK, I don’t blame you.)
Anyway, Scorpios have orgasms that will tear down the fragile little walls of your bedroom. They cum with so much intensity, and they aren’t quiet about it, either. They are loud, full-bodied, irrepressible ORGASMS, BABY. No one cums like a Scorpio cums.
Sagittarius: The Energetic Orgasm
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: A Sagittarius has some intensely positive energy. You just radiate good energy. You’re a true bohemian at your core. You’re like Coachella if Coachella was a person.
So naturally, you get off on ~energy~. You’re halfway there just from feeling energetic vibrations of a positive person. You look at a flower crown, and BAM, you’re wet. If someone gives you a little peace and love, you will cum with an epic intensity.